War Summoning

You have got to be fucking kidding me. Someone actually recorded this?

Track 1 sports the grandiose title "Spheres of Twilight" but contains absolutely nothing. Electronic buzzing. Somebody whacks a cowbell a few times. This is the grand prize winner of the most worthless thing ever recorded, of any kind, ever It's 2 minutes and 45 seconds of my life that I'll never get back, and I hate these Germans yahoos for recording it.

Track 2 is called "Desecrating Metal", and is the most appropriately titled track I have ever heard. Random shrieks and grunts behind guitar that sounds like a pimply-faced 14 year old who thinks he's being cool.

But let's not leave out track 3, "Praise Be". To what? The idea that even complete lack of musical ability can't stop you from recording? This track makes we want to get religion, so I can pray for their demise.

I could go track by track, but you get the idea. Every track is 3 minutes of the worst thing that I have ever heard. Perhaps they're trying to be "experimental", but usually that means a) learn to play music, then b) experiment with it. They seem to have skipped step a.

Crucifixion Wounds approaches their guitar equipment like I imagine a chimpanzee might. Accidentally bumping against it, they discover that it produces a sound. They then set about discovering what other sounds it could make, for example by biting it, hitting another chimp with it, taking a shit on it, etc. The relation of one sound to another is lost on them.

Whatever percussion is even present sounds like someone drunk, stumbling over a drumkit in the dark.

The worst thing about this act is now that I've heard them, I have to remember who they are and how bad they are so that I don't ever, even accidentally, listen to them ever again. Even writing this review has ruined my entire day.