Hate Me!

I never understood what all the rage about Children of Bodom was. Never. Shitty vox, generic riffs, and out-of-place keyboards--that sums up about every single CoB song I've ever heard. I just decided to review this one in particular because I knew its name (I had it on a compilation CD) and it happened to be a single. Please to note, I don't hate keyboards in my music. In fact, I love keyboards. But they serve no purpose in this band whatsoever. They totally clash with the shitty shrieking vocals, and make the music lamer than it already is. Hey, Bodom, here's a hint--- leave the keyboards to real power metal bands.

Yes, you heard me. CoB isn't real power metal. To me, power metal is upbeat and full of catchy choruses presented to us by a singer with, you know... POWER in his voice! Not a frog in his voice like this asshat Alexi Laiho! But hey, at least Laiho is... good at guitar solos. He can't come up with a riff worth a shit, but he can certainly shred, and that's probably the only reason I gave this any points at all. There are plenty of trade-off solos between the guitars and keyboards which is about the only thing reminiscent of power metal in this band, but by the time they get to them, Laiho's earbleed-inducing vocals make me not give a shit anymore. Plus, it just sounds so weird to hear these fluffy keys after wannabe-badass vocals. And I'm talking a Power Quest level of fluffy keys.

What the fuck is the guy behind the drumkit doing? Is there even a guy behind the drumkit? The drums on this song sound like a damn machine! Not like one of those kickass ones used to do Meshuggah's "War," I mean like a drum machine left behind from the 80s. There's no life to them, and they keep this lame hard rock beat the whole song with absolutely nothing interesting added. At least other death metal bands have br00tal drumming! But the drums can be heard; the same cannot be said for the bass. Well, I suppose non-existent bass is reminiscent of power metal, too... But still, fuck you, modern metal, and your shitty "loudness war," too.

So yeah, I think CoB embodies all that is wrong with metal today. I encourage people to try and convince me otherwise, but I think Wintersun is the only good melodic death metal band ever. These guys suck, In Flames sucks, and they're both the two heavy-hitters in the genre! I don't even wanna know how bad other melo-death bands sound! To me, the genre is just doomed, and has been from the start. CoB certainly aren't helping any, especially with tripe like this single.