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Austrian Death Machine > Total Brutal > Reviews
Austrian Death Machine - Total Brutal

Entertainingly unfunny. - 60%

hells_unicorn, December 10th, 2011

There’s no quicker way to ruin your reputation amongst fellow metal heads than to show any level of enjoyment when listening to something that is, for all intents and purposes, a joke that’s been done before and done far better. And there is no more tried and true, to the point of inducing sheer boredom, a brand of joke than the overdone parodying of Arnold Schwarzenegger. But this is exactly what I am going to do, though in a very measured and a very particular way. In the same way that many Christians (myself included) can have a hypothetical appreciation for extreme metal in spite of its obvious ideological lyrical content, my liking the otherwise awkward and unfunny joke that is Austrian Death Machine (one concocted by the lackluster metalcore band As I Lay Dying’s front man no less) hinges entirely on ignoring anything and everything on here pertaining to lyrics and voiceovers.

To call an album like “Total Brutal” a guilty pleasure is an understatement for the ages, in fact, just saying the album’s name in a review that many self-respecting metal fans will read is making me a bit uneasy. But for someone with a soft spot for crossover thrash, particularly the kind that ventures pretty close into Cro Mags and Municipal Waste territory at times, it’s unavoidable that some head nodding and foot tapping will occur when things get going. Truth be told, this is actually a bit closer to a Zimmer’s Hole album than anything else, though with a much better and thrash heavy riff set and a set of punch lines about as ham-fisted to borderline buffoonery as the worst moments on a Dethklok album. To put it plainly, when Tim Lambesis is doing his lousy Arnie impressions without music behind him, the skip button is all but a complete godsend, but when the actual music is going on, it’s a pretty strong though highly derivative affair.

When this album is on, specifically when it isn’t channeling the musical character of the primary projects of Lambesis and the people he employed to work out the musical detailing, it’s quite fun. There’s plenty of fun, high flying action to be heard on “Get To The Choppa”, “I Am A Cybernetic Organism, Living Tissue Over Metal Endoskeleton” (minus the crappy metalcore chorus) and “Who Is Your Daddy, And What Does He Do?” that reminds of a handful of Slayer and Teutonic riffs heard circa 1985, though with the clarity of modern digital recording technology. Add to the mix a mishmash of semi-decent hardcore shouts and gang choruses and these songs actually take on something of a life of their own. The big thing that sort of rescues this album is the lack of shyness in soloing, something that was anathema to the nu-metal scene and something that the metalcore crowd has, to an extent, brought back into mainstream circles, albeit in a less extravagant way. They sound a little better than 2nd rate metalcore hacks channeling the 80s, they do shred, but not quite up to the standards of a certified 80s shredder.

Getting past the bad humor is the real challenge with this album, as well as the one that followed it while we’re on the subject. Unlike S.O.D., the comedy on here does not have any actual laughs in store for anyone who is already familiar with the Arnold craze that’s been going on for the better part of 27 years, let alone any level of staying power. But if like I, you are of the opinion that lyrics are something that can be discarded with little fuss, and crossover is something that you crave, you could do worse. Some people go for bargain bin treasure, and this little nugget of fool’s gold retails at about $6 for anyone in the market.

It is, in fact, a tumor - 27%

autothrall, July 3rd, 2010

As a youth and teen, I grew up in an era when people actually looked forward to each Arnold Schwarzenegger film with baited anticipation, because once upon time they were usually great fun, and showed all the innocence of film-making which seems to have died out in the big budget green screen revolution. Commando, Predator, The Running Man, Conan the Barbarian, and the first two Terminator films are in my opinion the best he's done, and still entertaining views over two decades in the future, where we find ourselves in a cynical age just as short on taste as any criticisms one might have leveled at the 80s and the Austrian bodybuilder whose career went supernova. Obviously, the accent and rather one-dimensional roles the man was handed were catalysts to a massive, nigh unending cycle of parody at the hands of comedians, celebrities and really just about everyone you know...

How many of us have exclaimed 'I'll be back!' or 'Get to tha choppa!' out loud, even at random, in our lifetimes? Arnold is a household name around most of the world, and if there's an exception, it must be some place without electricity, or another dimension, because even the deaf, dumb and blind know of this man's exploits on screen. By the 21st century, this is beyond played out, and Schwarzenegger impersonators have long since ceased being cool or funny. Someone forgot to mention this to Tim Lambesis, frontman for the crappy Christian metalcore band As I Lay Dying, because he decided to streamline his personal entry into the latest thrash trend with an all out Schwarzenegger parody, or should I say a tribute, interspersing bits of original dialog using a half-decent Arnold voice with a faceless mesh of youth hardcore, modern Slayer-like thrash riffing, gang shouts, overbearing metalcore vocals akin to his other band, and breakdowns.

It's actually impressive to an extent that Lambesis laid down all the groundwork for this record himself, demo'ing the instruments and then having friends come along to compensate for his own shortcomings by redubbing some of the specific guitar and drum tracks. Fair enough. He also brought on a host of metalcore guitarists like Adam Dutkiewicz of Killswitch Engage, Nick Hipa of As I Lay Dying and even Jason Suecof, studio wizard and guitarist of Capharnaum & Crotchduster, to add some guitar solos to the material. Most of the song titles are lifted from movie quotes featuring the Governator, and between these we get a few awful dialog sequences of Arnold's impersonator going through the band motions, skits similar to something you might find on some terrible hip hop record, only not as funny.

The problem of course is that a parody band must be funny, and Austrian Death Machine is not at all fucking funny. This is like the pitiful comedian you see at some gig, trying to rely on the old Arnold impersonator shtick because he cannot actually write an original joke to save himself. Musically, there is nothing of value unless you really think the Cro-Mags, Madball and shitty post-80s Slayer need an update to 21st century studio standards. Whether it's the hardcore meets shred indulgence of "You Have Just Been Erased", the Municipal Waste meet Earth Crisis stomper "Here is Zero, Now Plain Zero" or the terrible thrashing Slayercore of "If It Bleeds, We Can Kill It", there is simply nothing memorable beyond the fact that it's tight, in time and performed with some degree of competence. A few of the riffs like the choppy thrashing in "Who Is Your Daddy, and What Does He Do" or "Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers" might have actually worked with better vocals and no hardcore injection, but they're simply disposable in this context.

Almost all the songs have some horribly derivative metalcore breakdown from the days when Earth Crisis and peers reigned and already wrote them all, and I really cannot abide by Tim's vocals, which are your dime a dozen angry metalcore overkill which sounds like a mix of Phil Anselmo and Karl Buechner, with a little NY slant like Lou Koller of Sick of It All thrown in for good measure. The guest solos, while not technically unsound, are merely tripe dressing for the lame procession of songs that fly straight in one ear and out the other like a bazooka shell, only you don't gain the benefit of dying and escaping the stain this record leaves on your conscious. But even lamer, so much lamer than any of this is the self-referential diatribe Lambesis has in some of the skits, or the disclaimer that the album is somehow above criticism because its a joke band. Are you kidding me?

'Wait a second, I gotta try out my new delay pedal...' No one cares, brutal guy. You are not funny. Arnold's 'new song ' title in the "Broo-Tall Song Idea" is not funny, even if you half-ass Cookie Monster guttural vocals along to it. What the fuck, did you get this idea while hanging out with skater bois for a Mountain Dew commercial shoot?

Perhaps some Honcho at Metal Blade got a kick out of this concept, or perhaps they thought it was the right time to strike and turn a few more bucks in the nu-Thrash-xplosion! The Arnold Schwarzenegger thrash tribute band was really inevitable in a sudden rebirth of 80s worship in extreme music, and really I'm surprised it hadn't been done before to this extent. I might argue that Austrian Death Machine is superior to As I Lay Dying, but that's like arguing that a poop joke is more effective than a whoopie cushion. They're both perfectly effective fun for a six year old kid, but their impact grows a little sour through adolescence. Of course, if you're six, you can probably skip out on this review, go buy the album, the t-shirt and if mommy's got the change, maybe even a mouse pad or the McDonald's theme Happy Meal. Make sure you get two straws, because this sucks enough for both.

-autothrall
http://www.fromthedustreturned.com

He said he'd be back ... But in a different way. - 90%

Wacke, April 10th, 2009

There are very few new metal albums in these times that suits my taste. I don't really like Tim Lambesis' regular band As I Lay Dying because of their extremely boring and expired lyrical themes. I've heard and read mixed feelings about this album but I actually find it very enjoyable. I'm a fan of thrash metal and New York hardcore punk and of course Arnold Schwarzenegger, so this mix is somewhat weird, but cool.

These songs are pretty short ones with almost all of 'em clocking in around somewhere past the three minute mark. There are also short dialogues in-between the actual songs which are funny. It's mostly about "Arnold" complaining about something or having a new idea. The songs are fast thrash/harcore punk (a.k.a crossover) tracks with nice guitar solos and sharp riffing. The bass drums are blasting in rhythms quite often as well. The vocals are the typical growl-style of today's standards. Not whiney vocals but not as aggressive as let's say Cannibal Corpse or Entombed.

The album production sounds real nice. Everything's balanced and both guitars and drums have a nice sound. The guitars sound pretty heavy and the soloes sound awesome.

This is a funny album to listen to. I enjoy it a lot. It's "brutal" as it's popular to describe a metal album these days and funny at the same time. On Tim's own wishes ... Don't take this album too seriously. Well, I'm gonna take this one more seriously than any As I Lay Dying album ... 'cause it blows 'em apart!

Top songs are: All. I can't decide yet which one is better than another and so on.

I recommend this album for every metal fan who likes nice guitar soloes, nice riffs and comedy. Let's also hope that Arnold will return to the big screen for real once again.

Tim Lambesis: The biggest crybaby in metal - 15%

BastardHead, January 10th, 2009

I shall start by pointing out something from the rules here, just so I don't have to hear any crybabies bitch at me about the content of this review.

"[We won't reject a review] if you attack a band's image or integrity - in fact, sometimes such things do need to be pointed out and attacked."

Now, if Austrian Death Machine was treated as a light hearted joke, I would probably be much more generous in my analysis. Unfortunately, Tim Lambesis seems to think that Total Brutal is above criticism, and that is nothing but sheer arrogance on the part of the artist. Allow me to explain why I believe Lambesis needs to go drink a gallon of bleach. I heard "Get to the Choppa" from one of my friends. I thought it was actually pretty thrashy despite the goofy breakdown at the end, and I thought that the concept was really funny, so I bought the album. In the special thanks section, it reads, and I fucking quote: "No thanks to anyone who takes this record too seriously. We all recorded this to have fun, so if you don't like it, just put something else on. Also, if you have a better idea and your band is better than my friends and me joking around, then congratulations! Send your demo to Metal Blade Records with a cover sheet that says "We're better than a joke" in bold times new roman size 32 font". Well, this insecure ass decides that nobody is allowed to criticize the album because it is a joke and therefore above any such analysis. He then proceeds to invalidate anybody who thinks it sucks with the last two sentences. I would have let this little sniveling passage slide if it wasn't for track 12, "So Far, So Good, So Let's Talk About It". In this little skit, he actually takes time out of the album to point out that he only spent about an hour writing each song, and that "it sounds way better than a lot of other bands that are totally serious". All notion of this being a light hearted joke flies out the window with that one statement, and proves once and for all that Tim is an insecure douchebag who has no place in the music industry. One of the most important and vital aspects to writing music is the fact that people can and will criticize and offer suggestions for improvement. The fact that he cannot embrace or even grasp this concept is enough to put him on my shit list for eternity. And on top of that, he has the audacity to claim that it is better than several other bands who put their heart into their music. No matter how right he may be, cumming all over your own work is unforgivable as an artist. So fuck you Mr. Lambesis, I'm going to scrutinize the shit out of this record.

Musically, this isn't all that terrible, and actually does have a large crossover thrash influence, but many songs are still plagued by the cliched metalcore breakdowns that his main band, As I Lay Dying, is so fond of. Not only have I always found these breakdowns to be an abysmally lazy attempt at adding more to a song, but they fit even less on these otherwise fast paced thrash songs. The riffing on all of the songs is mostly average, with a few above average to good riffs sneaking in occasionally ("If It Bleeds, We Can Kill It" "You Have Just Been Erased"). The vocals are just Tim's metalcore yell that he is known for, and I think the concept would have been more cohesive if all of the vocals were handled by the "Ahnuld" impersonation. And on the subject of the concept, while it is indeed original and humorous, the joke is taken way too far at times, namely "What it's Like to Be a Singer at Band Practice", which is a fifteen or twenty second joke stretched out nearly a minute too far. Most of the little skits are completely pointless and could have easily been cut. But hey, if they weren't there, then maybe big, blubbering Tim wouldn't feel like he was conveying the message that this was a joke well enough (as if an Arnold Schwarzenegger concept album wasn't a big enough clue). So who knows, whether we like it or not, there are pointless and unfunny skits scattered throughout.

Every song also features a solo by some random dude that you probably haven't heard of and probably don't care about, but none of them are necessarily bad. They all show up at appropriate times, play for appropriate lengths, and are generally very good. It's sad that they play over such bland music. Again, none of the riffs are bad, but they aren't very stimulating either. There isn't much use to a song that just kind of runs through your head and exits immediately afterwards. It wouldn't be so forgettable if every song didn't follow the same formula. Intro, verse, chorus, breakdown/solo (these sometimes switch up), chorus, exeunt. While they may not all follow that template VERBATIM, the general idea is there. Every song has a forced, singalong chorus, a corny breakdown, and a guitar solo. Tim is quite proud of that last fact, and it quickly loses it's charm after you learn that he was purposely forcing them in because he thinks that's how metal should sound... at least he did a good job of covering it up.

Bottom line, Austrian Death Machine was formed purely for the sake of a joke. Lambesis makes it quite clear that he had fun making the record, and that's good. Music is supposed to incite enjoyment in some form. Unfortunately, he is so insecure about his mediocrity and inability to write a lasting song, that he's hiding behind the veil of the joke, and simply covering his ears and shouting "LA LA LA LA LA" every time somebody voices a negative opinion. So here me on this one, Tim. The riffs are mediocre, the breakdowns are awful, the vocals are bad, and the songs are boring and forgettable. Please, stop acting like your shit doesn't stink. Maybe if you pulled your head out of your ass, you'd realize you've just gotten used to the smell.

Arnold Does As Much As He Can Here - 40%

Flamos, January 9th, 2009

“A metal band that revolves around Arnold Schwarzenegger! Sweet, this should be awesome!”

Unfortunately, this statement is incorrect. Austrian Death Machine is a creation by As I Lay Dying vocalist Tim Lambesis. This will automatically mean the music will be bad, because As I Lay Dying is pure garbage. The surprising thing here is that Tim Lambesis plays all the instruments, which is interesting. Chad Ackerman does the Arnold impersonations and does it well. Unfortunately, he’s in a band called Destroy the Runner, which is also awful. So, with these two people controlling this project this must be an utter failure, right?

Luckily, some positive things rise through this mallcore lameness. The Arnold impersonations are well performed, and actually humorous. Actually they’re the best part about the album. “So Far, So Good, So Lets Talk About It” is a funny bit where Tim talks about how great it is to be in a band with Mr. Schwarzenegger, and Arnold tells him that the lead singer of “As I Lay Crying” (obviously cracking on the band name of As I Lay Dying) sounds like a dying moose. All the bits with Arnold are funny. The music itself is labeled is crossover trash, which in some aspects is correct. The singing, not so much. It still has the mallcore scream that we all know and hate, which drags everything down tremendously. The vocals are bad, which leads me to my next point. Why does he sing, when he can play instruments well, like he does here? The guitar solos he can pull off a much above average, his bass playing is satisfactory, and his drum skills are great. So why the hell does he “sing” with that horrible voice? I suppose we’ll never know…

With song titles like “Get to the Chopper,” “Its Not A Tumor,” and “Come with Me If You Want To Live,” you’d expect them to be quality songs spoofing some of Mr. Schwarzenegger’s best lines. You’ll get the spoofing part, not the quality. As I mentioned earlier, Lambesis can play, but everything is so misused and misplaced. None of it’s really interesting and overall disappointing.

This could’ve been something great. Sadly it only gets the impersonations right, not the music. This is a project that won’t last long, but you’ll get a good laugh out of the skits performed every other song or so. “Total Brutal” is anything but.

Loads of fun. - 80%

Sherudo, October 19th, 2008

I was suprised to find out that this was created by the vocalist of As I Lay Dying, as I never liked them. I was also suprised to find out that this was, for the most part, performed entirely by Tim Lambesis. Most one-man projects give off a certain vibe of solitude, but not this one. Perhaps it was the modern production (most one-man bands I like are all black metal, enough said).

But anyway, musically, it's a mix of As I Lay Dying-esque metalcore and Municipal Waste or S.O.D.-esque thrash/hardcore punk crossover (though it's more of the former than the latter). The vocals are mostly Lambesis' standard metalcore screams, with some higher pitched and lower pitched vocals also tastefully placed in some songs, some clean vocals in one song, and some Ah-nold screaming in others. It has enough crossover thrash influence in it to please those who might not like metalcore, but it's still at it's core an As I Lay Dying album. One downside to the sound of the music is that many of the songs tend to sound the same ("Of course they sound the same, they all sound... BRUTAL!!!!")

Which brings me to my next point: the whole concept of the album. It's entirely dedicated to Arnold Schwarzenegger, and it's totally hilarious. The lyrics, the Arnold impersonations by Chad Ackerman, the little filler tracks featuring banter between Lambesis and Arnold, everything. This is what makes this album. Every song is about a different Schwarzenegger movie. Some movies are featured in 2 tracks, which, although they might both be awesome, might have taken away from another potential movie from being sung about (a Commando song would have been more welcome than two Predator ones). The opening track and a few others are simply Arnold speaking nonsensical things (key moments: Arnold letting out a huge scream to open a song and left hanging by the "band", and another track dedicated to Arnold's long, bloody, Cannibal Corpse-esque "sweet song title.") A couple times Arnold pops in and sings along with Lambesis or even by himself in the beginning of "Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers" (or, at least that's what it sounds like). Overall, this is the main appeal of the album, and definintely its strongest point.

Overall, this is a really fun album. It should definitely be checked out by anyone who likes Arnold Schwarzenegger, regardless of what he or she thinks of As I Lay Dying.

Good: Arnold, funny song lyrics, tight musicianship, Arnold
Bad: A tad repetitive, may not go well with stanch metalcore haters
Key Tracks: Get to the Choppa, Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers, Broo-Tall Song Idea

It was only a matter of time... - 43%

The_Boss, August 11th, 2008

…before someone created a concept band/album based off Arnold Schwarzeneggar and his infamous sayings or movies. I mean, after the influx or retarded deathcore/metalcore band names like Steve Irwin, All The Heathers Are Dying etc, it was only a matter of fucking time. Fortunately, this is one of those themes that actually doesn’t quite suck. I had my doubts after first hearing about this, I was actually in FYE where I saw a guy who works there normally has great taste in metal told me about them and them being a retro-thrash band and such, I decided to check ‘em out. So after seeing the MA page, my doubts rose more after seeing that this was a side project from shitty metalcore band As I Lay Dying’s vocalist.

After finally downloading this, I can surely say that this was one interesting experiment. It IS thrash metal, unfortunately being watered down and destroyed by influences like As I Lay Dying type –core breakdowns, pseudo-death metal growls and wannabe tough guy barks. The guitars are wonderful crossover inspired retro-thrash along with a slickened production for a more ‘modern’ thrash style similar to bands like Bonded by Blood and newer Exodus. Fortunately along with the guitars, the drumming is very fast and varied to make for some killer fills and heavy rhythm section. I don’t really here a bass much, it probably follows the fast guitar riffing, which is the obvious highlight of Austrian Death Machine as well as the lead guitar work with solos reminding me of newer Exodus.

Total Brutal starts off with a sound clip that is someone doing an Ah-nuld impression and him rambling on about how awesome he is and how he’s the Governator etc. Other sound clips can be found throughout the album, such as Schwarzeneggar trying to talk to his bandmates but they keep playing like in band practice annoying him. In a very Dethklok manner it tries to rely on humor more than being a total serious approach, obviously. With song titles like Get to the Choppa, You Have Just Been Erased, If It Bleeds, We Kill It, and It’s Not A Tumor; this is very much inclined on showing a lot of the Austrian’s funnier moments in his career and often the songs and sound clips work and are laughable. Other times it’s just lame and isn’t worthy of my time. It’s obvious The lamest of these are You Have Just Been Erased and If It Bleeds We Kill It which are full of the ‘brootal’ breakdowns that are found in every metalcore act around the world, as well as some of the shittiest wannabe metal vocals I’ve ever heard.

The breakdowns, horrible angsty vocals that are easily found in every metalcore act, as well as some stupid and pointless songs that are essentially rehashed earlier songs with a different main riff and different lyrics all aid in making this a shitty release, as well obviously as the As I Lay Dying fag being behind this. Fortunately though, he’s done his work and knows how to write some fun crossover inspired riffs that lead for some good headbanging material and even help with some shouted choruses that are hard not to sing along, especially on Get to the Choppa, which is also the best song on here. This is a big release and there are plenty of shitty songs on here, which is something bands often fall trap to showcasing plenty of unneeded songs and filler moments. Obviously I couldn’t name which song off the top of my head because they’re all Hirax-short songs and easily sound very similar. The difference is that there are 2 or 3 songs that actually stand out being good. The rest are just those kind of songs you enjoy listening to at the moment but there’s really nothing special after it.

Austrian Death Machine have their mini-niche of being somewhat funny in the sense that they have the Arnold Schwarzeneggar theme and funny sound clips, but other than that the music itself is very meh. I am a retro-thrash lover but this is very bland, drawing unwanted influences like crossover and retarded metalcore breakdowns and vocals. This could have been really good if this probably wasn’t even done by the As I Lay Dying queer but instead much brings it down. There are funny moments with Arnold talking, as well as the real kickass track Get to the Choppa but otherwise this really is pointless and the unique factor loses itself after multiple listens. I can easily find better retro-thrash and just go listen to Arnold Schwarzeneggar talking for 30 minutes for the same effect as Total Brutal.

Rehashing The Familiar And Mixing It All Together - 60%

Shirt_Guy, August 4th, 2008

I took a short look into Tim Lambesis, and the guy is certainly talented. He’s a multi-instrumentalist, has his own studio, produces, and runs his own record label, as well as doing As I Lay Dying, and now he has this side project known as Austrian Death Machine, completely focused on Arnold Schwarzenegger. The comedic subject matter about a movie star who’s majority of big hits that occurred in the 80’s is appropriately fitting, as the album is based heavily around that world of 80’s crossover thrash that we’ve become so familiar with today from Municipal Waste and Suicidal Tendencies.

Along with the crossover musical theme is the modern thrash that As I Lay Dying displayed on “An Ocean Between us”, and some hints of what I considered their worst point, which were the standard melodic lines from “Shadows are Security”, and the rare, but still there single-note metalcore breakdowns. Of course, in this day and age, crossover, thrash, melodic death metal, melodic metalcore and As I Lay Dying clone bands are all have a high level of abundance. I have to wonder why the heck those single-note breakdowns are even needed, unless Tim is planning to bring this band out live.

Sure, “Total Brutal” has a couple of hooks, quite a few laughs, and is about as well done as steak in skill, production, and song structure, but the end result tends to get lost in what other bands are currently either doing in some way, or have already done. Of course if you can’t get enough As I Lay Dying…

Originally posted at www.waytooloud.com