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The Stormrider > Criseida > Reviews
The Stormrider - Criseida

No. Just no. - 10%

Mikesch Lord, July 24th, 2022

There are many heavy and power metal bands from spain and some of them may be actually really good. I promise. Sadly, I seem to be cursed by some divine entity, not one of my spanish classic metal discoveries has been worth a shit. This particular album of The Stormrider is spinning in the backround right now and my natural instinct is telling me to turn it off every five seconds. No storm, no riding. Good lord, how I despise these cover artworks that seem to come out of the "random magical woman looking sort of cursed and mysterious"-factory. A fitting optical introduction to this band. In the end, who actually gives a fuck?

The Stormrider are not bad, hell, being hilariously bad would actually help them with some earned laurels of obscurity. No, Stormrider just don't matter. At all. Their kind of power metal is so painfully mediocre that listening to this stuff just makes you numb. Have you ever been chatted up by some drunken loser at your local bar, telling you about his very good and fascinating friends that all have worked as roadies for someones grandfather? These are exactly the kind of irrelevant surroundings that breed bands like this one.

The drums sound sterile and bloody predictable as fuck, the doublebass has no real incentive, it just occupies space like an annoying aunt that refuses to die. The snare is too loud and painfully digital, it makes you hate the natural human calibration for rythm. The singer has no power, style or charisma. He just walks through the songs like an innocent bystander that is forced to sing at gunpoint about a magical and tragic tale that I could not care less about because I do not wish to be enchanted by you, sir. Prophecy, drama, end of the world, go fuck yourself.
The riffs fail to establish any kind of melody worth your time. Their are so tame, dull und offensively unexcited that I can't for the life of me explain why they were written at all. Someone must have felt "totally enlightened, man!" during the writing process, because the good old chug chug bullshit is also here to fill some voids and to move nothing forward. It does not matter if The Stormrider play fast or slow, everything kinda just happens while I wish for some good old Blind Guardian instead of this sad excuse for power metal. I should write something about the keyboards and they most certainly implement themselves perfectly. They are just... there. String setting 101. The occasional echoed church bell or "orchestra smash".You won't care. How can there be this much nothing? Did not one of the six(!) members feel the desire to kick some actual ass?

This crap feels like the phoned in low effort of an AOR-Band with gothic-influences which wanted to cash in on the power metal trend of the time. No real passion, just stolen patterns and copied ideas. There are guest vocals, female and/or growled, short piano intermezzos, classical inspired solos. Nothing works, nothing shines. Who actually listens to this and feels any kind of fun, engagement or excitement? This record feels like the waiting room of a dentist and I want to forget about this band.

Incredible album - 94%

Stormrider2112, February 11th, 2004

This would be a 98 or so if they had a better singer. But, musically and lyrically speaking, this album is one of the best power metal CDs out there. Not your typical "wimps and posers leave the hall" Manowar-style stuff, but very atmospheric, almost Nightwish-meets-Blind Guardian music. Great guitar work, and the use of keyboards is equally excellent (in the foreground when they should be, and play a great role in supporting the music). There's a lot of André Olbrich style lead guitar going through a lot of the songs, and it gives it a more "epic" touch. A very epic album, and a very good one at that as well. The only problem might be actually finding it :)