Eggnog

This EP is a masterpiece. If one sentence reviews were acceptable here, this would've been the entire review. But I have to elaborate on that. Why? Because.

Eggnog could be split into two logical halves: The first three songs, and "Charmicarmicat," which deserves a few paragraphs by itself.

The first three songs add up to about seven minutes. They are very simplistic in their nature, and resemble the typical early Melvins sound. Punkish, badass, and full of a "zero fucks given" attitude. "Wispy" is the most punkish of them all, with probably being the most stripped-down Melvins song ever recorded. It doesn't consist of any guitars (leaving the second long buzz at the beginning)- just drums, bass, and King Buzzo showing off his vocal prowess. The next two songs are very groovy and sludgy. The next two songs are very similar in their essence- with encompassing their own sense of primal, primitive violence. As with many of the band's songs, the number of riffs in these songs could be counted on one hand- but they all fit in their natural places and never seem to repeat themselves more than they should. Buzzo's screams in "Hog Leg" are definitely some of the craziest Melvins moments ever recorded. Despite "Antitoxidote" being the more organized song, with a verse-chorus-verse-chorus structure, "Hog Leg" is a chaotic masterpiece of sludgy noise with exaggerated amounts of feedback and visceral instrumentation- with the drums being the most notable.

As with every of the band's albums until now, King Buzzo is at his wildest, and Dale Crover is a fucking monster. Lorax does her job as a bass player very well, with setting up a solid rhythm section to accompany the guitars. This is what makes Melvins unconventional in a way- the drums are a separate instrument with a live of their own, and the true rhythm section being the bass.

If Egnnog was a part of a sleep cycle, these first three songs would've been that part where you wake up five times before you really do need to wake up- but thinking you missed your alarm at each time you wake up. It's frightening, sudden, and acute. These three songs are sharp and don't drag along- in order to make room for their king-

"Charmicarmicat". I get shivers only from writing the name of this song.

If this song was another part of the sleep cycle, this would've been the one where you wake up in the middle of the night, get in your track and start Killdozering your entire neighborhood, only to come back to sleep- without being conscious at all.

It starts with a rumble that lasts for a few seconds. Then another fuzzy rumble joins it, and then another one. These three buzzes play the musical equivalent of "musical chairs," before the bass riff hits. It's rock solid, heavy as FUCK, and helps you build a logical basis for figuring out how the song actually works (while Dale's drum parts are played in one of the most unconventional time signatures ever seen in the band's entire discography). This keeps on happening until Buzzo's subtle 3 note riff hits in, and just as it sets the atmosphere, the heaviest riff of 1991 suddenly appears! It sounds as if a million universes collapsed at the same time- the sustained backward chromatic octave chords hit you in the face as if a million black holes appeared right above your house. This chord progression seems angular, yet natural, yet dissonant- it's the embodiment of how simple riffage, when done right, could be the most creative and uncompromising thing ever created. There are 00000000 fills in between the song's sections, which definitely add to its ominous and somewhat mysterious atmosphere. When that ends, high pitched dissonant guitar notes appear in a "haunting" sequence, accompanied by the most tame vocals in this entire release.

Despite the term "tame" being used in this context- they're still bestial in the typical Melvins-y way. They are all in place, and none of the barely ten sentences feel out of place here. Buzzo still howls, but lets the instruments take over as the main part of the song here- especially Dale's drum parts are repetitive, tiring, and hard, but still leave an ominous feeling that makes the listener crave it more and more. The riffs repeat themselves throughout its duration, and drone in a very intriguing and not tiring way. The simplicity of the guitar parts is a key ingredient of this monolith's making, but the drums are what makes it special. As stated before, they have a certain meditative charm to them, with being superficially simplistic but super complex on the other hand. They were crafted in such a masterful way, with every beat being its natural spot. As the song unwinds, and keeps repeating itself, the crave for a proper ending to it pursues, but the band has managed to create a mind-numbing experience with it that the will to loop it for hours and hours will rise more and more as time progresses. These make "Charmicarmicat" seem more of a three-minute song rather than a 12 minute behemoth.

"Charmicarmicat" ends with the first bass riff, which symbolizes the beginning and the end of all the universes it has collapsed due to its sheer heaviness. The primal sound of silence hits off right after the ending, signaling the end of this EP- but the call of the "play" button demanding you to press it again makes sure that there will be no silence in the world of the Charmicarmicats.

The lyrics, as with every Melvins song, are devoid of any meaning. Their randomness adds to the general threatening atmosphere of the EP, and "Charmicarmicat" in particular. Production wise- this EP is sharp- not too pompous, but raw in the way that the instruments sound somewhat organic and based in this universe. Absolutely recommended.

Eggnog is probably the most underrated Melvins release, and I really have no idea why, as it is easily one of their best releases from their golden ’86-’93 era, and just easily one of the heaviest. On previous efforts, most notably 1986’s Gluey Porch Treatments and 1989’s Ozma, Melvins played with more of an almost technical approach to their sludging mayhem, which becomes quite apparent when you pay attention to the song structures. But around the time of this release, they had switched gears a bit. Although the off kilter song structures were still present, they were a bit more simplistic, and instead, all the focus went towards making the heaviest music imaginable, which they succeeded in doing. I am not trying to imply that the 80’s material was not heavy, because it most definitely was. I am just saying that the Eggnog EP was a new kind of heavy for the Melvins.

When you first drop the needle on the first side of this marvelous slab of sludge, the first thing to ooze out of your speakers is the signature booming Dale Crover drum sound. He is easily the best and most innovative drummer that the slow and heavy side of metal has ever seen. After a 20-second drum intro, King Buzzo bursts into the mix with an abrasive wall of feedback and noise, while Lori Black lopes along on the bass with Dale’s kick drum. Upon initial listening, one would expect the rest of the song to be an all-out noise fest, but actually, the climax ends here, and as Buzz’s guitar screeches end, his vocals arrive, starting with a murmur and ending with a yell. Awesome.

“Antioxidote” is a perfect example of the versatility that can be found in the music of the Melvins. One minute they will be playing extraordinarily slow, droning, sluggish sludge metal and the next they’ll be thrashing it up in their own Melvins sort of way. The speed of the song also shows that they do not have to be playing slowly in order to shatter every bong within a 60-foot radius of your speakers.

The last song on the EP before the mighty “Charmicarmicat” is “Hog Leg”, another relatively short number. The song starts out with a collage of samples taken from some Christian propaganda recording, but with rearranged sentence structures. And by that, I mean they take part of a sentence and replace the ending of it with words from another sentence, and once they are tied together they say things such as “we can go to church… and you are naked” and “Christians are commanded… alcohol… is good” (it’s funnier once you hear it for yourself). I would say the highlight of this song is, by far, King Buzzo’s vocals. Imagine him singing his usual nonsensical yet brilliant lyrics such as “rap a tee take a man and send my own” while doing an impression of King Diamond’s falsetto insanity, overtop some classic Melvins heaviness, and that should give you a general idea of what this song sounds like.

And now, onto “Charmicarmicat”, one of the thickest, ooziest, slimiest, and most dirge-like songs they have ever recorded along with “Boris” and “Roman Bird Dog”. This is thirteen minutes of pure SLUDGE, the kind that is just covered in orange hairs and leaves that great sticky feeling on your fingers once you are done with it. It starts with bubbling, crackling guitar feedback while the bass and drums plod along at a snail’s pace. Dale is not doing anything too technical or flashy, but his consistency with the plodding rhythm and unique form of skin pummeling is as present as ever. The guitars in the song are a sludgy mess in the best possible way possible, and along with the bass, they create that massive, thick wall of noise that the Melvins are just so damn good at. Buzz’s vocals are quite sparse in this song, and they play a minimal part in the construction of the song. The main focus here is clearly the repetition and level of immensity created by the instruments.

This is an essential release for any Melvins fan who does not already have it. It is also not a bad place to start if you are new to the Melvins, so get it.