Ozzmosis

As easy as it is to sum up 1995’s Ozzmosis as Ozzy’s ‘ballad album,’ it ends up having more variety than initially expected. The gothic introspection and polish give it some commonality with the preceding No More Tears, but the production is decidedly slicker with the vocals getting especially cleaned up. There may be some subconscious Sabbath elements at play with Geezer Butler on bass duties and Zakk Wylde opting for slower, downtuned riffs. Songs like “Ghost Behind My Eyes” and “My Little Man” also suggest that Ozzy might’ve just wanted to screw around with some Beatles worship.

The opening “Perry Mason” makes for an especially strong successor to the No More Tears melodrama. The opening strings immediately invoke a theatrical flair, the vocal lines hit almost as hard as that thick trudging riff set, and they even sneak a little bass lick at the midway point. It’s certainly an interesting way of kicking things off but it’s also easily the greatest song that Ozzy has released post-retirement.

While I would’ve loved an album full of “Perry Mason” repeats, the other heavier tracks don’t quite live up to it. “Thunder Underground” is solid though the rather sterile take on the Alice In Chains sludge crawl makes it feel more like proto-Black Label Society while “My Jerkyll Doesn’t Hide” comes off as sounding forced. Fortunately, the neurotic urgency on “Tomorrow” makes for a memorable track.

Having this many ballads in such close proximity can make a saccharine listen, but each of them offers a distinct character. The Lennon-esque koans on “I Just Want You” may sound more profound than they actually are, but I can appreciate their emotional builds. “See You on the Other Side” provides a somber yet hopeful reflection on a loved one’s passing while the piano-driven “Old LA Tonight” offers a sentimental view that I can’t help but find touching.

In hindsight, I feel like Ozzmosis represents a very fascinating turning point in Ozzy’s career. The classic party metal is long gone but its darker atmosphere still lingers. The mainstreaming brought on by Ozzfest and The Osbournes was still a way’s away, but the confessional lyrics pave the way for a less edgy image to take over.

But taken on its own terms, Ozzmosis is an enjoyably unique album. The musicianship is rock-solid, even if this was where the vocal doctoring started getting noticeable, and the songwriting offers plenty of emotional winners. It’s a little hard for the numerous ballads to reach true depths of melancholy in these pop metal constraints, but there also isn’t much else out there that sounds like it. It’s fitting for it to rank somewhere in the middle of the Ozzy Osbourne discography, but it’s worth checking out for diehards.

When you check the definition of osmosis, you get two different meanings:
1. the tendency of a fluid, usually water, to pass through a semipermeable membrane into a solution where the solvent concentration is higher, thus equalizing the concentrations of materials on either side of the membrane.
2. a subtle or gradual absorption or mingling.

God knows which definition Ozzy was trying to emulate on this album, but needless to say it doesn't go very well unless he was attempting to prove how the liquid urine, here known as piss, soaked through from the toilets in the recording studio and entered the largely solid mixing desk, not only watering down the content of the music but also reducing it to a literal piss-poor effort. This stinks, in a word. Oh, and if the intention was "a subtle or gradual absorption or mingling" with the trends of mid-'90s rock and metal music, Ozzmosis is about as wide of the mark as a blind man who entered a shooting contest while drunk and was spun around 50 times before his first attempt. This is irrelevant, in another word.

The word that really describes Ozzmosis, however, is a much easier concept to understand. This album is boring. It is extremely fucking boring. Sorry, that should be Boring with a capital B. Jesus, how many of these tracks are hitting top marks on the tedium meter? Aside from 'Perry Mason', which is a nice mid-paced number in the same tradition as 'Mr Tinkertrain', the first song to raise any interest at all is 'My Little Man' and that's largely because I keep thinking that Ozzy wrote it about his penis and not, as is more probable, about his son. I mean with lyrics like "Don't you know I love you more than life itself / Don't you know that you're my pride" and "Don't you weep my little man / Go to sleep my little man" it really seems like he's trying to placate a stiffy that is as ill-timed and annoying as most of the songs on here. Other than that moment of wakefulness, 'My Jekyll Doesn't Hide' is a reasonable effort in a heavier vein, while Zakk Wylde plays a few decent solos, particularly the one in 'Old L.A. Tonight'.

But that's it. That's the end of the highlights, and remember that one of them was an accidental comedic highlight about a 68 year-old's dick (though he was only 47 at the time). The rest of the album contains ballads. I shit you not, barring 'Perry Mason' and 'My Jekyll Doesn't Hide', all the other songs are ballads. I know that technically 'Thunder Underground' has guitar riffs in and there are other parts that wouldn't satisfy the dictionary definition of a ballad, but they are all so slow-paced and rely so heavily on mediocre choruses that I can't wake up for the 40 minutes between the two rockers, though I tend to stir slightly when 'Tomorrow' gives a more passionate impression of the vocals. In the first place, that's 8 ballads on a 10 track album; in the second, why the fuck is there such distance between the heavy tracks; in the third, wouldn't it have made sense to shorten most of the songs considerably? The average length sags over five and a half minutes and I'll be damned if I notice half of what goes on during that time. The mid-section from 'Thunder Underground' through to 'Denial' just kills the whole thing and I can't get excited about the minor moments in any them.

There isn't much else to say about Ozzmosis, certainly not about the musical performances, even though Geezer Butler apparently thought it was worthwhile to get back with Ozzy and drop a couple of nice moments on the better tracks. Of all the Ozzy albums, this is probably the worst because it's not exciting, doesn't show any skill, and doesn't even try anything interesting, just settles into a low gear and wastes your time. The following effort Down to Earth was bad and awkward, though at least there was an attempt to make things different by plopping in a few nu metal and groove metal ideas. My advice is to go back to your biology textbooks and learn how actual osmosis works instead of bothering to listen to this.

[Sound of phone ringing] “Yes?” “Hey, Geezer, this is Ozzy, how are you?” “I’m fine mate, and you?” “I’m okay now. Listen Geezer, would you like to make an album together? I have some great ideas. ”Something like the Diary… album?” “No man, who wants to listen to this crap nowadays? I’m working on some shit that will play massively on the radio worldwide. We will make it big time!” “Sure lad, you can count me in”. This is totally fictional but could be the true beginning of the making of horrible release that haunted our dreams in 1995.

Ozzy had revealed some years before that he wanted to retire. He could have done so and go down in style. But he just couldn’t leave things the way they were. He was damn sure his new album would be adored by the fans and hopefully by the music media. His old friend Butler on the bass, Zakk Wylde on the guitars and Dean Castronovo on the drums, man what a band this would be! Well I say shit!!

Indeed Ozzmosis was released in 1995 and entered the charts at high places, while the press praised his come-back. But some of us did not bite the bait, because this album sucks big time! Where the heavy metal we all love? Where are the riffs, the melodies and the heavy stuff we’ve been waiting to hear from THIS man? Ozzmosis makes No More Tears look like a masterpiece. I have heard that Lemmy of Motorhead has participated. How did he make such a mistake?

The album lacks, almost completely in inspiration and speed. The songs are mid-tempo and boring to death. The somewhat heavy guitars don’t have the strength to fill in the space but only in a few parts. The rhythm section is disastrous and the only good thing, oddly enough, is the vocals. Songs like Ghost Behind my Eyes and My Little Man have nothing interesting to offer and are not worthy of his mostly glorious past. Plus this awful ballad called Old L.A. Tonight. I feel sorry to say all those things but this is the truth. If he aimed for a wider audience, he succeeded.

The only songs that survive the wreckage are the opener Perry Mason which is quite heavy and has a pretty good riff, and the semi-ballad I Just Want You that is simply awesome, both melodic and heavy, an oasis in the desert of dullness in the album. Also the song Whole World’s Falling Down, which is basically a bonus track in my CD, reminds a bit of the good, solid stuff he has written in the past. But here’s where it ends. The rest are boring and irritating at times.

With Ozzmosis, the once great artist tried to make a fresh come-back and show that he is back on the metal track. Instead he made a big pile of shit that can be better used as playing go and fetch with your dog. Or else you can flash it down your toilette. It makes no difference. Only the name Ozzy Osbourne on the cover keeps me from throwing it away. He totally fucked things up!

Even though this album is Ozzy in his most authentic state, the scenery, mood and balance of the album is more of a fantasy oriented. Zakk is on the top of his game, pinning lightning fast and juicy riffs, solos and pinch harmonics. Ozzy does music from his heart. He is authentic person and published this album to show how. This artistic flavour of heavy metal, is made with passion and with a willing spirit. He did most of his music in mid 1980's with a little or no control over his sound or songs, thats why those years not only butchered Ozzy's already short lifespan, but made him to do some really stupid things. The material from mid 1980's may be disliked slightly by the master of metal himself, but most fans love them and thats what counts. His solo career is argued to have something to do to compete with Sabbath, but there is no need to go into that more specificly.

Music here is monstrously brilliant mix of both resiliance, top notch production and all out open minded song delivering. The two track run which Ozzy did on the tour of this album will not get even almost the right way of what this album is all about. Perry Mason, Tomorrow and My Jekyll Doesn't Hide are thunderous, sheerly mad blend of sludgy and juicy metal alongside with really catchy choruses. The psychedelic See You On The Other Side WILL get you to the other side, both literally and metaphorically. Every song has diversion what comes into lenght( Ozzmosis is presenting the most lenghty Ozz tunes of all time) and to this melodramatic and emotion consuming style. Aimee and Old L.A Tonight are incredibly uplifting and songs full of life spirit, vitality, energy and optimism.

Ozzy screams and roars in his lyrics, giving his most authentic performance in his entire solo career, and career generally, for that matter. Zakk played hundreds of shows with Ozzy to this point, and his fingers are ready for tapping the most exciting, awe inspiring and melodic material. As with the sound, this album is way overproduced, polished, but it grows every listen more attractive. The insanely chaotic and prodigal overall sound showcases of the willing spirit of the entire band. Blizzard of Ozz was almost as exciting as a friday night out and Ozzmosis falls to the same category, even though being way more fun. In the long nights and midnight oil burning moments in Paris or with old pals, Ozzy delivers arguably his best album since Black Sabbath from the 1970's. Ozzy sounds authentic, because he now does music not only sober, but with a sound of innocent charm, like a newborn baby.

This album is the salvation what we were looking for when we started listening to heavy metal. The album is really heavy, psychedelic and twists and scrumbles thorough your mind like a hurricane and you end up wondering: "What in the world was that?". This album owns the living crap out of the metal mammoths Blizzard of Ozz and Bark At The Moon, because there are anymore no difference between fantasy and fiction. Except, that is, Ozzmosis. Ozzy does get some low rates from his fans, because his exciting savour in his lenghty solo career is overshadowed by his public and private persona.

Before I begin I would like to state for the record that the score given to this album reflects the inclusion of 2 bonus tracks on the 2002 reissue, which remarkably enough are better than 80% of the material on this halfwit concoction. A score of 35 should be applied to the original release, as it only contains 2 good songs, and 2 almost passable songs with ridiculous lyrics. Why these songs, along with a collection of other better songs such as “Back on Earth” and “Walk on Water” were not on the original release can only be explained as either a shameful attempt at spreading Ozzy’s better moments onto several CDs in order to boost sales, or as a momentary desire to shy away from sounding too 80s in the early post-Nirvana era, neither motive garners any sympathy from me obviously.

The marketing hype behind this album was huge, spearheaded by an endless barrage of broadcasts of the one lone masterpiece of this album “Perry Mason”. Essentially being an epic and more rocking variant on the “No More Tears” format that Ozzy and Zakk based most of their better 90s material off of, it features a rather intricate set of lead riffs and keyboard interchanges. However, as great as this song is, it’s placement at the beginning of the album gives the impression that we are to be treated to a whole album of genius, and right after things really start of fall apart.

Although somewhat catchy in the musical department, “I Just Want You” is so lyrically absurd that it literally commits artistic suicide within the first 10 seconds. If Ozzy and company had elected to put this song as a B-side to a single and replaced it with “Back on Earth”, I would have boosted this album’s score an additional 10 points. Likewise, the Lemmy Kilmister collaboration “See you on the Otherside” is musically catchy and not too bad for a ballad, but the lyrics just kill the song, I literally lost count of how many times he repeats the song title.

Oh man does the shit rain from the sky for the majority of this album after getting past the radio friendly stuff. The crap runs in two distinct varieties, the pop-a-vein, hard to squeeze out kind in the form of slow and painful ballads, and the loose liquefied diarrhea groove grunge tracks which amount to Ozzy and Zakk ripping off riffs from alternative rock groups who, in turn, ripped them off from Sabbath. The best representative of the horrific Night of the Living Ballads zombies is the comically boring “My little man”, complete with a collection of quirky guitar effects and bad lyrics. Likewise, the hypnotically redundant mud-groove song “Thunder Underground” represents almost all of the heavier tracks on here. With the exceptions of Zakk’s solos, which occupy between 15 and 25 seconds in each song, there isn’t much of worth on here.

After suffering through all of that, if you haven’t torn the CD to pieces, we are treated to some final moments that are inspired. “Mr. Jekyll Doesn’t Hide” shows Geezer Butler trying to salvage a pretty lousy album with a solid Sabbath-like tune, it’s essentially something that could have been heard on “Cross Purposes” or “Dehumanizer” but with Ozzy singing, but it rocks nonetheless. “Whole World’s Falling Down” is a speed track that almost could compare to “Secret Loser”. It was probably not included on the album because of the public bias against the speed metal tendencies of the 80s. Likewise, “Aimee” screams mid-80s power ballad, probably the best ballad I’ve heard out of Ozzy and tragically something overlooked in most quarters.

Unfortunately I can not endorse this album because there isn’t enough quality material on here; this is probably the lowest moment in Ozzy’s rather turbulent solo career. If you can track down the single for “Perry Mason” and for “Back on Earth”, you’ll have everything on here worthy of hearing. For downloading purposes, add “Mr. Jekyll doesn’t Hide” to your list, and leave the rest of the rot on here to dissipate into nothingness.

Osmosis, according to Miriam-Webster, is a scientific term used to describe the diffusion of a liquid (usually water) through some sort of membrane. Ozzmosis, on the other hand, is a musical mishap by veteran rock icon Ozzy Osbourne that even the likes of Geezer Butler and Rick Wakeman can’t completely save.

Opener “Perry Mason” is one of the few truly good songs off of this album, featuring a pretty memorable chorus and a groovy Zakk Wylde riff-set throughout. All balls and no bullshit, “Perry Mason” rules. This is how good Ozzy songs are written. “I Just Want You” is actually pretty good too. It’s a bit mellower and Ozzy sounds like he recorded his vocals underwater (or perhaps, under the influence), but the lyrical mechanics are pretty fluid. After this, things start to get patchy. Hit “See You On the Other Side” features Ozzy’s best vocal performance on the album (especially during that post-solo climactic hook), but the guitar rhythm that supports the verses sports quite possibly the worst clean tone of all time (it’s down-tuned, murky, and over-processed). “My Little Man” is this album’s “Mama I’m Coming Home,” a cheesy ballad-of-sorts with a neat sitar-sounding effect on the guitars that fails to save it as a whole. The rest of the songs continue in the same vein, having that modern rock/mallcore feel lingering about them. Ozzy’s voice modulates from enjoyable to insufferable throughout and the whole thing just feels slow and over-long.

Instrumentally, things are quite competent from beginning to end, but it’s the poor songwriting that cripples this album. With Zakk Wylde returning on guitar and Geezer Butler on bass, there are plenty of nice little musical touches to entertain the listener when Ozzy himself fails to, but the album is short on substance. Take away all the pinch harmonics, guitar solos, and the handful of interesting riffs and lyrical passages and you’re left with a gloomy, generic 90’s rock album with the distinct but decaying vocals of the once great Ozzy Osbourne. Long-time fans and newcomers alike might find some things to enjoy on this album (namely “Perry Mason”), but you’d be better off just picking up Alice in Chains’ self-titled album: it has a more authentic sound in the same vein of what Ozzy was going for here while being simultaneously more inventive and even gloomier.

The latest edition of "Ozzmosis" makes some sort of horseshit claim on the back of the jewel case that the album was a darling of the critics upon its release. I was not able to unearth any evidence to prove that. There are much worse albums out there, but this one just isn't that great. For starters, if Ozzy's entire catalog sounded akin to most of "Ozzmosis," he wouldn't even be categorized as metal by the metal-archives or anyone else. Roughly half of the songs are ballads and no songs push the tempo beyond moderate. Still a good deal of the songs are quality on the writing level. The most glaring problem stems from the fact that an album thematically based on slow to mid-tempos and lyrical introspection could benefit greatly from a little grit in the overall sound. Unfortunately, the ultra-slick production mellows out (read: sanitizes) every audible sound on the album. Zakk Wylde is a terrific guitarist with lots of great ideas, but using chorus effect to begin almost every track is not one of them. Despite these complaints, some of the ballads would have been welcome on an album of primarily hard metal one at a time. "I Just Want You" in particular stands out on its own, although it blends in with the undiversified texture of this collection. "Perry Mason" is a truly great song in swaggering 6/8 meter. It's worthy of mention along with Ozzy's best material, a high standard indeed. "Thunder Underground" gets a bad rap, which is unfair. I love this song in all of its new metal, drop-c sharp glory. Along with "Perry Mason," "Thunder Underground" is the only part of "Ozzmosis" you should let your metalhead friends catch you listening to in public. However, if you want to convince your girlfriend/pastor/local PTA that Ozzy is good old family fun (in a depressing, reflective way), crank it up...to about five on the volume dial.

"I refuse to retire (I'm gay)". Or, "It Only Gets Worse". As if you thought that No More Tears was bad, here's something that gets even more fucking boring, not to mention having the single dumbest album title ever.

So we start off really promising. "Perry Mason" alone gives this album 15 more points than it should have - this is just a great song, that every once in a while Ozzy manages to come up with, for no apparent reason. It is entirely coincidental and is no way related to the fact that he has an IQ of 47.

"I Just Want You" - has anyone ever noticed that the lyrics say "I don't ask for much, I just want you", wow wouldn't that make you feel really special? "Oh by the way, you're human diarrhea, not much at all..." - fucking dumbcunt love song. Blows ass. Though I gotta mention, that "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired" is really so stupid that it's clever. But it's so much more convincing when Blitz snarls it. You figure out what song - if you spent your time listening to bands like that, not bands like this, you'd get somewhere in life.

"Ghost Behind My Eyes" - again, blows ass. The problem with most of these songs is that they are very, very slow and very, very whiny. Well, not really slow, just plodding and midpaced. They don't ever pick up the pace and fucking shred. Ever. A few of Ozzy's songs are midpaced and catchy. The overwhelming majority are midpaced and crappy.

"Thunder Underground" - see above, all these songs really sound all the fucking same. "See You on the Other Side", does that imply you're going to FUCK OFF AND DIE?!

Why no, it means he'll write more total fucking shit. The rest of the album has no redeeming virtues. "Tomorrow". "Denial". Boring! "My Little Man" and "My Jekyll Doesn't Hide" - look, the fact is, you used so many drugs that your penis fell off during the '86 tour, and writing odes to it won't grow it back, so stop talking about it!!

"Old LA Tonight" - okay the fact that I even managed to listen this far, just to be rewarded with another complete fucking snoozefest makes me a fucking retard. Ya know, when this album was about to be released, I had so much hope for it. "No More Tears" had sucked, but when they played "Perry Mason" on the radio....

Damn you, false hope!!! Damn you, having precisely one good song surrounded by complete feces!! Damn you, Ozzy, and damn the horses you fuck too!